Friday, June 19, 2015

What If Daddy Didn't Do Right?


WARNING:  I apologize in advance.  This post is longer than my usual. 

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land that the Lord your God gives you.”  Exodus 20:12 (5th Commandment)

Many would argue that the requirement for us to keep the 10 Commandments passed away as part of the Old Covenant when Jesus paid for our redemption by His blood.  Many others would argue to the contrary.  But no follower of Christ would insist that the 10 Commandments were bad things to do.  As a matter of fact, each one provides a nugget of wisdom and is the basis for the moral code of a number of modern societies. 

The 5th Commandment speaks of honoring our parents which is a good thing to do.  It’s interesting that this is the first commandment with a promise – long life.  Nice.  So since I penned a tribute to mothers for Mother’s Day, I want to talk about honoring fathers today.  It is a difficult thing for me to write for several reasons:

·        I am a ‘daddy’s girl’ (Yes, I actually call him, “Daddy”)

·        Daddy passed away last year at the age of 93, I miss him

·        As the title indicated, my father not only didn’t always do right but he hurt a lot of people

·        I have to omit specifics because

o   I want to be respectful of people whose lives he negatively impacted and

o   I don’t want to cause any embarrassment to family members, my church or anyone I am in association with

But I know that I am not the only person in this world who has had to deal with a dad who didn’t always do the right thing, if that was your situation hopefully you will gain some encouragement from my story.

When I was a little girl, my dad was like a superhero to me.  I’m told he was handsome, but as his daughter I just saw him as my dad.  He was big, strong, authoritative, and he treated me like I was his little princess.  So much so that one day I even asked him if he would just change my name from BARBARA to PRINCESS.  Looking back I am grateful that he merely smiled, and assured me that I would always be his little princess.  That satisfied me.  I waited for him when he got home from work most days.  He usually brought me a treat that I had to find in his red ford pick-up.  I used to sit on his foot and wrap my arms & legs around one of his legs, so I could ride as he walked around the house.  We would play kiss tag, which was always to my detriment because by that time of day he would have major 5 o’clock shadow – I did not care.  He would read to me.  He didn’t do ‘girl things’ so he took me fishing and to baseball games.    I adored him.      The problem was that he didn’t treat others as sweetly as he treated me – some, but not most.  As I got older and began to understand what kind of person he really was, he began to distance himself from me.  I knew he loved me, but the shame he felt & his desire to continue living as he did came between us.   After that, there were times he wasn’t so sweet to me.

Fast forward to my adulthood.  Daddy continued to be a jerk.  He could be selfish and just plain mean, but I knew that I needed to love him.  Because God is love, I could not allow anyone other than Him to set my standard for how I treat others.  So I made the decision to love my father.  When he was other than kind, I would give him the choice as to whether I would love him up close or from a distance.  He would apologize and tell me that he wanted me close.  But he was prickly, I knew that at the drop of a pin, he could slip back into the mean Daddy. 

Fast forward again to my father’s later years, when he was unable to do for himself.  When his mind started to be less sharp, he became more distrustful along with the tendency to be mean.   Some days, I truly had to ask the Lord for strength to deal with him.  I was determined to see that he was cared for properly, and spend as much time with him as I could.  I wanted him to know that he was loved and not feel alone.  I said earlier that I made the decision to love him.  It was not only because of the love God wanted to give him through me, but in the natural I remembered the love he showered on me as a child. He was imprinted on me.  He was the man that showered me with love and made my childhood fun.  He was still my Daddy. 

I was rewarded for my efforts a few months before he passed away.  His vision was low and he was unable to read his Bible.  He had always read his Bible, he just didn’t follow it.   He actually had memorized a lot of scripture, and the Holy Spirit began to remind him of it.  He wanted to discuss it and he wanted to pray.  That happened several times, but one day, he broke down.  He cried like a baby, he confessed all the wrong he had done in his life and asked God for forgiveness.  Then he asked me for forgiveness, and told me how grateful he was that I’d shown him love when he had lived such a horrible.  He said he loved more than anyone else on earth, except for my Mom.  He said that he considered it a major blessing from God that he had lived long enough to not only repent, but to realize that I was in the Lord and had a wonderful husband to share my life with.  I was blessed to have been there to experience his acceptance of salvation, and have him share his heart with me.  

When Daddy passed away a few months later, I had perfect peace.  Yes, I miss him.  But I have no regrets over our relationship or my treatment of him because I had shown him honor.  And though his reputation was as one that others won’t expect to see in heaven, I look forward to a reunion with him there. 

I am a living example of how honoring my Daddy who didn’t do right, ended up being a blessing to me.  

But if you have one of those other kind of fathers, Praise God.  In either case, God has a blessing for you if you take care to treat your Daddy right.  Be encouraged. 

 
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Happy Father’s Day to Daddies everywhere and all men who embrace the role of shaping young lives and raising up children in the way they should go.  You are our heroes!  God bless you!

 

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