DIFFICULT PEOPLE

If the title of this post caught your attention, it is possible that you have a few difficult people in your life.  I have a couple, not as many as I used to, but some.  I’ve come to realize that some people are just going to be that way, but it’s how YOU respond to their antics that will make the difference to the joy and peace in your life.  I expect that those of you who have been personally acquainted with me over the years, can attest to the fact that as I’ve grown in taking God at His word, my relationships with people - even the difficult ones - have improved.

In case you’re interested in which of God’s words made such a difference in my relationships, I’ll share:

·        Ephesians 6:12 - “Our issues aren’t with people, but with spiritual forces that seek to impact our lives.”

·        2 Corinthians 5:15 – “He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.”

·        Matthew 5:44 – “But I say unto you, ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.’”

The message in those 3 verses is that we must understand that there is a God that loves us and there is the opposite, an enemy of our souls whose greatest attempt at deception is to convince us that he doesn’t exist.   You won’t resist an enemy that you don’t know is there.   So when it seems you have issues with people, don’t get mad.  Trust God enough to handle them and the situation according to the way He said.   

God loves you enough to have allowed Jesus to have been sacrificed to redeem you......but not just you, all of us!  If you have accepted that truth, you know that we are not to live for ourselves, but for Him.  So, when you see someone being difficult, please try to remember that God loves them and you need to love them too.  That does not mean that it’s ok for people to mistreat you.  (We spoke about that in an earlier blog.  If you need a refresher & can’t find it, contact me.)  Let the love of Christ shine through you.  Treat difficult people well and pray for them.  And no, this doesn’t mean to just kiss up while you pray that God will change them.  It means that you should be respectful and kind toward them while you pray for God to bless them.  While you’re at it, ask for help to treat them in the way He desires you to.   

In time, things will change.  Be warned, it may not be on your preferred timetable and things may change in ways you don’t expect.  You may even end up changed.  Just know that when you trust God enough to handle things the way He says to, things improve.  And isn’t that what we all want?  So, go on out there.  Improve your life.   Deal with some difficult people today!

Be Back Soon

Hello All-

By now you’ve noticed that I have taken a little break.  I love writing to share with you and look forward to doing it again regularly, very soon.  A couple of things have been going on that have taken up quite a bit of my time. 

Living Well Church soft launched on Sunday, 4 October. It was absolutely wonderful!  Pastor Arland and I are having an awesome time as we are ‘being about His business’.  Because he has been in the ministry since the 80’s, it was no surprise to Arland how much work went into starting a church.  I, on the other hand, have been in shock….not in a bad way….just getting a full understanding of everything that is involved (and how much of it became my job) has been a surprise.  It is a lot of work.  Still, I know that this is what I was created for and I love it.  There is something to be said about walking in your calling, and doing so with the right mate.  I have never been busier, but I also have never been happier.

I did say ‘a couple of things’ have been going on, so on to the 2^nd thing.  I am still working my regular job.  I am not complaining.  I love my job.  I love the people I work with.  I have no complaints except for the shortage of time that it causes.  Now is the busiest time of year in my area of responsibility, AND we are currently shorthanded.  That means that I am working an insane number hours.  I know that it will not always be the case, but while it is, I must use wisdom regarding use of the time that I have.  Part of using wisdom was the decision to take a break from the BLOG until things slow down a bit. 

I expect to be back to writing regularly around Thanksgiving.  I have many things that I’m grateful for and I look forward to sharing about them with you.  In the meantime, I would certainly appreciate your keeping Pastor Arland and me lifted up in prayer for God’s continued wisdom and favor as we go forward in the work that He has called us to.

Thank you and may God bless everything that you put your hand to!

Barbara

 

 

Good Thing Going

“My choice is you, God, first and only.  And now I find I’m your choice!  You set me up with a house and yard.  And then you made me your heir!  The wise counsel God gives when I’m awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart.  Day and night I’ll stick with God; I’ve got a good thing going and I’m not letting go.”  Psalm 16:5-8 (The Message)

I really do have a good thing going on with my relationship with God through Jesus Christ.  I know I do, so I wouldn’t attempt to navigate this life any other way.  I don’t claim to be perfect nor is my life perfect, but it is greatly improved from the days when I tried to live this life under my own power. 

I was born into a Christian home and grew up going to church.  I learned the Bible stories they taught me.  But what I didn’t learn until later is that I am God’s choice, that He set me up for success, and gives me wise counsel.  All that was in His word, but until I dug in and really checked Him out for myself, I didn’t know what God meant to do with me.  I found out that He has plans for me, and you too.  He does not want you bumping around aimlessly in this life.  He wants to give you a hope and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11)  When I found that out, I had a choice to make.  I could keep going the way I was, or I could choose to take Him at His word and do life His way.  I chose to trust Him, rely on Him.  I decided not to pick and choose my way around the Bible, but to study it, get it into my heart and live by it.  When I decided to do it His way, my life started to change. 

So what changes took place when I decided to trust God?  If you are a regular reader, you know some of the miraculous things that have happened in my life.  If not, I’ll just say that everything improved.  Everything.  God’s Word is the guideline by which I live my life.  He is my standard.  He is first….not my husband, and my identity is found in Christ before anything else.  God is the filter by which I view everything.  He has given me spiritual eyes and that allow me to see that the old junk that was within me has passed away, and all things have become new (2 Corinthians 5:17).  I see others differently too….I actually love people.   THAT was a surprise!  Not that I hated people before, but I admit it was very easy to be apathetic about issues that I deemed ‘not mine’.  Now, my empathy with others can be downright inconvenient.

In Him, I have experienced a newness of life.  It is so good that I am not going to let it go.  If you need a change, try Him.  Once you get hold of what God’s got for you, you won’t let go either.   I’m sure of it!

 

 

 

Run Your Race To Win

“You’ve all been to the stadium and seen athletes race. Everyone runs; but only one wins. Run to win (succeed). All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally.  I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition. I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (The Message Bible)

This morning, as I spent time reading my Bible, the scripture above jumped out at me.  That tends to happen when I come across a scriptural principle that needs to be incorporated in my own life.  I am writing to you today, but honestly, I am writing this for myself too.  This scripture reminds us that since we are already in the process of living this life, we should do what it takes to make the most of it.  We should deliberately live it well.  We ought to run the race of this life in a way that ensures that we win…that we are successful in the things that matter most. 

 

The Apostle Paul is a great example of living a deliberate life.  Prior to his conversion, he was well-known for his persecution of Christians.  He had many kicked out of the synagogue, many beaten, and many killed.   But upon his conversion, he was commissioned to spread the good news of Jesus Christ.  He let nothing deter him – not his reputation rightfully earned by his prior horrific actions, and not the distrust of other Christians.  He had a job to do and he refused to allow his focus to shift.   Paul was busy.  He preached, he taught, he traveled, and he was a tent maker.   He went to prison for teaching about Jesus.  He didn’t even let being in prison stop him from doing what he was called to do.  He wrote and evangelized while imprisoned.  He even made a point to discipline his body.  He decided what was best to keep himself fit so that he could do the work he was called to, and he did it. With consideration to all we know that he did and the fact that Paul wrote over half of the New Testament, I would venture to say that Paul’s life was a major success.    

Because Paul ran his race effectively, lives of people the world over have been affected for Jesus Christ.  Have you ever wondered what the impact would be if you ran your race well?  I doubt your mind can really conceive of all the possibilities, just like Paul didn’t realize two thousand years ago that a little paragraph in his teachings would touch the heart of Barbara W. Steen who would turn around and share it with you.   

So here’s what I’m going to do and I want to encourage you to do the same-

I am going to spend time with the Lord, praying for wisdom and guidance for every role in my life – the roles of pastor’s wife, daughter, sister, in-law, friend, employee and blog writer.  I want to know what success in each of those roles looks like.  Once I know, I plan to be deliberate in living each role well.   

I pray that each one reading this will take up the challenge to run the race of your life well.  Live deliberately, knowing that doing so has the potential to touch lives far beyond anything you can imagine.

 

 

 

 

The EX Files

I have an acquaintance who is a bad ex-wife.  I have witnessed her doing all kinds of things, just for the purpose of making her former husband and new wife miserable.  She claims to be a Christian, but she feels justified doing whatever she thinks up to be a pain to them.  I remember seeing some of the things she did and thinking that this woman gives ex-wives a bad name.  She is the stereotypical ex-wife of horror stories.   

Proverbs 6:16-19 says, “These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven things that are an abomination to Him:

·        A proud look

·        A lying tongue

·        Hands that shed innocent blood

·        A heart that devises wicked plans

·        Feet that are swift in running to evil

·        A false witness who speaks lies

·        And one who sows discord among brethren.” 

With the exception of shedding innocent blood, I had seen this particular acquaintance of mine do all of those things.  You know it’s bad when you’re doing most of the things on God’s itemized list of stuff He hates!

Ex-husbands & ex-wives are the subject of many jokes and unpleasant tales of woe.  It’s a subject that is likely to cause any number of reactions, depending on the individual’s personal experience with an ex.  The funny thing about it is that if you have an ex, then YOU ARE an ex.  Both, Pastor Arland and I were formerly married.  So we are, both, ex’es to somebody.  Since we live in a fallen world, sometimes things happen that are not the vision for our lives.  But that doesn’t give us the right to be less than decent to others.  I am going to use my relationship with my former husband as an example. 

I became a divorced woman in 1999.  I was not happy about how things had turned out, but I decided that I did not want to be like my bad ex-wife acquaintance.  In faith, I gave the issue to the Lord which allowed me to let go of my past and begin to step into my future.  At some point, the former husband and I made contact.  The 1^st thing he did was say that he was sorry for all the pain he caused me.  I wasn’t expecting that, but it made me consider that maybe some of my words or actions had caused him pain, as well.  So, I apologized to him.  After that, we spoke openly about what had happened between us, and completely cleared the air.  I have no animosity towards him, nor he towards me.  I believe our friendship, and, yes I do consider him a friend, is an example of Psalm 32:1-2:  “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.”    We were open with each other, we forgave each other, and we are forgiven by God. We are blessed.

Today my former husband is re-married to a beautiful woman, and I pray for them to have a long life of happiness together.  It was, even, my pleasure to send them a wedding gift.  That would not have been the case had I not made the decision to give the pain and disappointment of my divorce to the Lord.  It is so important to live deliberately as we walk the path of our lives.  The choice to focus on Jesus rather than problems and pain will yield dividends not only today, but in all of your tomorrows.  So, if you happen to be an ex, strive to be a good one!

 

 

 

 

Look Before You Leap

In the last Blog, I talked about being committed in marriage. I stated that you can’t have a successful marriage unless both parties are willing to sign up to the highest level of commitment.  But, before you commit, you might want to check a few things out.

For years, I heard the saying, “A good man is hard to find”.  However, while I was single and dating before meeting Pastor Arland, I learned that is not the case.  I met some really wonderful men…good men, which just did not happen to be the vision God placed in my heart for a husband.  I met men that loved the Lord, I met men that were nice, and I even met men that thought I was not half bad.  I had fun meeting guys and dating.  When I was sure a particular gentleman was not the one for me, I very politely advised him (if he hadn’t already advised me), and moved on.  Dating is an activity of exclusion.  There are a lot of men in the world and I wasn’t going to be compatible with most of them.  If we did not suit each other’s needs or tastes, it doesn’t make either of us a bad person.  With the right perspective, there is no need to be hurt and angry with one another.  There is no need to grieve and be in anguish once it’s been determined that we are not right for each other.  I learned to be gracious, wish the gentleman well and let go.  It is impossible to take hold of future blessings while trying to hold on to the past.  I believe that good men and good women appreciate not being led on and prefer being treated with respect. 

I learned that it is vitally important to get to know the person well that you consider for your life mate.  I realize that may not be the case in other cultures, but in our mainstream American culture, it is.  I would like to offer you just a few suggestions to assist in this area.  Trust me, you will be glad you invested time to do heavy lifting up front to avoid potential stress and heart ache in the future.

·        Only consider someone with the same moral standards and compass that you have.  If you are making life decisions based on one standard while your (potential) mate is using another, there is a high probability you will reach different conclusions.  That is called being ‘unequally yoked’ and it is a recipe for disaster.

·        Consider someone with whom you have things in common.  Do you have activities and hobbies that you can share?  Do you both enjoy time with family?  When the new car smell wears off the marriage, common interests will help keep fun in your relationship.

·        Have a regular performance review.  J  I admit, Pastor Arland does not look forward to these, ever.  We have ours monthly, but you can do it at whatever frequency works for you.  Having regular reviews helps our marriage maintain its freshness.  Nothing is left to fester and become ugly drama later on.  It is a time not to hold back, but speak the truth in love to bring up anything that concerns either of us.  It always yields a better understanding of how we can be more sensitive to the other.

·        Realize that none of us are as objective as we think we are.  It may be a good idea to get outside input from time to time.  Set aside time for marriage enhancement activities.  Go on retreats, marriage conferences, read books together.

o   Two book suggestions:

§  “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary D. Chapman

     This book will aid in understanding how to ensure your spouse always feels loved….that’s kind of important.

§  “Getting Ready For Marriage Workbook” by Jerry D. Hardin and Dianne C. Sloan 

The subtitle of this book is “How to really get to know the person you’re going to marry”.  This book is a great resource for pointing out areas of potential difficulty, in order to open dialog and address issues.  Good even if you are already married.

But the absolute, best thing you can do for you marriage, current or future is as Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”  That’s a promise.  He might keep you from tying the knot with the wrong person.  If so, praise Him.   If you are married or when you get married, be sure to let God be the 3^rd ply in the rope of your marriage so you can rely on His strength to hold you two together. 

 

 

 

Have Yourself Committed

 ^“Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

They will be together from that point on?  Oh my goodness!  That could be a long time.  And with God’s help, it will be!  That is the hope of most couples as they walk down the aisle to say their “I Do’s”.  Of course there are a few exceptions, but we’re not talking about those today. 

Most of you know that I married Pastor Arland just a few years ago AND that both of us are on our second marriage.  So, you may be thinking, “What makes Ms. Barbara think that she is an expert on marriage?”  I’ll tell you.  Two things make me an expert:

·        My commitment to living my life according to godly principles and

·        My commitment to my marriage

The expert in me says that you can’t have a successful marriage unless both parties are willing to sign up to the highest level of commitment.  You have to understand that love is not that infatuated feeling that you have when you first get together. Love is the choice to be there through the sometimes harsh realities of life to encourage and support one another.  Love is when you make the decision to commit to an imperfect being.  Commitment makes the difference.

In the scripture above, it says a man will leave his parents and join his wife.  In another translation, it says that he adheres closely to, sticks to, clings to, and remains faithful to his wife.  I like that because he sounds like a man who has made a commitment to his marriage.   If you didn’t know it, commitment will sometimes cause you to do things that you might not otherwise do.  It will cause you to dig in and hold on when others might give up.  Commitment will cause you to pay attention to things that others may not notice.  Commitment will cause you to bring little things out into the open so they don’t fester into big ugly things.   Commitment will make it compulsory for you to find out about past hurts and disappointments, so that you can avoid being the source of more of the same in the future. 

Because Pastor Arland and I married at a more mature age, and both had difficult first marriages, we knew exactly what we were looking for in mates.  Thank God, we wanted the same thing.  We wanted mates whose identify was found first in Christ, and would commit to do whatever it took to serve God and each other.  After bad practice marriages, we both just wanted some peace.  I call them ‘practice’ marriages because the experiences we had during those times really did help prepare us to appreciate each other in this marriage.  I seriously doubt we would have been ready for each other had we met without enduring the experiences of our past. 

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says that “A three-fold rope is not easily broken”.  In the rope of our marriage, the folds are Pastor Arland and me, with the Lord Jesus Christ.  We are committed to Him and He helps bind us together.  Inviting Christ into our marriage strengthened the rope of commitment beyond anything we could have done on our own.  Get yourself some commitment insurance, invite Him into your marriage today.